Mary Ann: "Look how tan he is. The Professor and I are in an interracial relationship."

Gilligan (to professor): "Can I see your dick?"

Polish Native: "What's the difference between jam and jelly?"
Gilligan: "What?"
Polish Native: "I can't jelly my dick up your ass."

Skipper: "I like Grizzly Adams."
Gilligan: "Grizzly Man is weird."
Skipper: "Not Grizzly Man, Grizzly Adams."
Gilligan: "They are both weird."
Skipper: "Yeah, I know, they both suck. Grizzly Man made me feel sick; Grizzly Adams made me feel gay."
Gilligan: "A man with a beard and a giant bear made you feel gay?"
Skipper: "Yeah."

Mary Ann: "I really believe you when you say you would light someone's house on fire."
Gilligan: "What part of gasoline and match don't you understand?"

Professor: "Italian bikes are hard to maintain."
Mary Ann: "So are Italian bitches."
Gilligan: "Yeah they are greasy."
Professor: "And they leak oil."
Gilligan: "They are hairy and oily."
Skipper: "But they have a good drive shaft."

Gilligan: "The Skipper is so stern. He's like a lesbian Phys. Ed teacher who has been molested by a priest for 400 years!"

Skipper: "Ron Jeremy has a 19in dick."
Gilligan: "With a dick like that you're bound to catch something."
Skipper: "Sea bass."
Gilligan: "What does that mean?"
Skipper: "I'm thinking about dinner."
Gilligan: "I thought you were talking about catching fish."
Mary Ann: "With a 19in. dick."